I cannot come to work today because…
1. My maid didn’t come to work today, so I got to do my maid’s work. You have a back up employee to do my work, but I have no backup maid. I am the back up maid. And if my backup in office is on leave too, the work can wait I’m sure. Ain’t no utensils stinking there.
2. I cannot find my Tupperware that I pack my lunch in. I need to spend the day searching for it since it’s the only valuable property I have, and will be leaving it in my will for the kids.
3. Zara has a sale today. My salary doesn’t let me afford clothes from Zara on regular days. I’m not too hopeful of being able to afford something on sale either, but hey, if I can’t buy anything, I can at least check in on Facebook and post a picture from the trial room.
4. I was sick last week, but I came to work that day, so I’m taking an off today. More like a carry forward sick leave.
5. My relatives are in town, so I’m going out of town.
6. I can’t find my makeup and if I come to work without makeup you won’t recognize me anyway, and assume I didn’t come to work so I may as well not come to work.
7. I want to watch that multi starrer big budget Bollywood movie with the star kids, fancy foreign locales, burning cars, and crappy story line but since the internet says it crossed 100 crores in collections, I cannot get tickets on a weekend.
8. I need another Sunday. The one that comes without the stress of a looming Monday.
9. My spouse is not going to work today, so I’m going to stay back home too, nagging him all day to fix that faucet, change that light bulb, call that carpenter, while I become a couch potato, binge watching Netflix.
10. My pet wants to cuddle and since the company has a strict no pet policy, I’m forced to take a leave. The company should seriously rethink its policies, don’t you think?
11. I have a hangover, and since diamond cuts diamond, I plan to drink to get rid of the side effects of drinking.
12. There’s no power at home, hence no hot water to take bath, hence no bath, and I also ran out of perfume to make an effort to make it look like I took a bath.
13. My neighbor is playing loud music, so I want to stay home and dance.
14. I tried acting all macho in the gym lifting heavier weights than I usually do, trying to impress the hot new girl, and ended up hurting my back.
15. I cannot find anything to wear, although I just spent my entire salary on shopping last weekend. Which also brings me to the question, can I get a raise please?